Sunday, 28 February 2010

Wittyreviews: Suzumiya Haruhi No Yuutsu/The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya season 1

Oh damn a quote uh...."Mikuru Beam"?

I don't want to be here.

True,I am about as pure as a Haruhiist puritan can get but that just makes my job harder.True,we cannot deny our love for the first series but we also cannot deny that the seccond one blew the horn of battle for Haruhiist crusaders everywhere.And with the movie fast approaching (in fact it's already out in Japanese cinemas by all acounts) it is my sacred duty to bring you my review of Suzumiya Haruhi No Yuutsu AKA The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya.

In truth,the show is one you either love with all of your might or hate with the fury of a thousand suns.I'm the first of the two but I know enough people who support the latter to understand both arguements.Oddly enough despite the title the story is not told by the perspective of Haruhi Suzumiya,in fact it is told by one of her many man servants friends Kyon...just Kyon we never find out his name.This is actualy kind of a nice perspective to be told the story from as Kyon is just so ordinary,dull life,dull things happen to him and no body in his life actualy give 2 damns about him,untill he meets Haruhi of course.In most other anime the story would be told by Haruhi's perspective and in this case I think that would actualy drag it down,it's nice to be told a story from an ordinary bloke with no special features or note worthy atributes,he is in the words of The Doctor "Not special,not powerfull,not connected,not clever and not important".But now I'm getting off topic,the story centers around the aformentioned Kyon after he meets a very strange girl during his first day at his new school called Haruhi Suzumiya when she makes an iconic announcement to her class "I am not interested in ordinary humans,but if any of you are aliens,time travelers or espers please come and see me".Most of the class,including Kyon brush this off and label her as a wierdo however by the process of plot and time Kyon somehow gets roped into helping Haruhi start up a club to find and track down these strange beings called The Spreading Excitement All Over The World With Haruhi Suzumiya Brigade AKA The S.O.S Brigade.All plans to go out and find these mysterious beings are ready to be put into practice,the only problem? The Brigade happens to be filled out with Kyon,an alien,a time traveler and an esper on top of that Haruhi has the powers of God...following me so far?

Sounds really stupid I know,but believe me they do a good job with making it funny.Now to talk about the characters,I'll skip Kyon since I've pretty much explained him already so I'll go right on ahead to the lady of the moment.Haruhi Suzumiya is,in a word,excentric.She is obsessed with finding aliens,time travelers and espers simply because she finds humans to be boring.She spends most of her time coming up with crazy plans to find them or being depressed that they didn't work.The only problem is that somehow she has the powers of God,able to create whatever reality she wants and when she feels a strong negative emotion giant blue Flubbers appear and destroy things inside a 'Closed Space',however she is unaware she had this power.The only way to prevent this from happening is to keep her calm and entertained.As a result,3 individuals arrive at the Brigade to ensure she stays that way,they are Koizumi,Mikuru and Nagato.Nagato is the first one we meet,she spends her time reading books and I mean every single seccond.She's quiet,has about as much presence in the room as a sack of potato's but over the series develops of a character,she's the alien by the way.Mikuru is the seccond member we meet,she is basicaly moe incarnet.She's cute,she's nervous,she wears a maid outfit,she has huge...importance.And don't say you never drooled when she was wearing that bunny girl outfit,come on.She has alot to hide however,in my opinion anyway.She's the time traveler.And lastly we have Koizumi,the gayest of the gays.I swear,he guy wants Kyon so badly it practicaly burns through the screen at you.He never shifts from his cheefull demeanor although he apparently seems to know the most about what Haruhi's powers are.There are more characters of course but they're only there for supporting roles.

The main thing you have to keep in mind while watching this is that it's a comedy,not meant to be taken seriously.If you go in expecting "ZOMG THIS R TEH MOST EPYC SHITE EVAR!!",you will be disapointed.If you go in expecting a laugh and maybe a peice of helpfull advice or two you'll be pleasently supprised.Now it's a given that some people will dislike this anime and I can understand why,sure you could argue that the characters are 1 dimentional but they're aren't meant to be super deep.

Final rating:4/5

Ah,but it doesn't end there does it? Oh no,so good was this anime that people had demanded a series 2 for years on end,myself included.Inbetween this and the fabled seccond season we had a few video games and even a spin off series called The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Chan which made fun of the context,and no I don't include that other spin off show.But little did we know that those spin off shows would be alot better than the season 2,coming up next.

By Wittyreviewer

Thursday, 25 February 2010

Super Lazer Racer Review

Super Lazer Racer is a cheap light show, with bright lights fast fun action. Why should you part with you hard urnt cash (£2.99). Well if you give me two minuets of your time I'll tell you OK.

Gameplay: The game is set up from a birds eye view, and you control your ship using the arrow keys, and here is where the action comes in. You can pick up attacks and use them against other ships, this makes the game a much much more fun. The guns make the games more competitive and doesn't always overpower the Gameplay.

There is a simple editor kit that comes with the game, and is very simple and easy to use, in time some really good maps may be made (only if you buy it). Ships control like there on a track of marbles, but as you play a couple of maps you'll get use to it.

All in all the game is cheap and fun. There's not much to say but it all clicks together like Lego, simple cheap but fun. Mmmmm come a little short today, umm ow here's something if you have "counter-strike: source" well here's a link ( go download load this map  you may recognise the uploader ;).

Liam Hackett

Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Wednesday, 17 February 2010

Wittyreviews: Bioshock 2

Wow was harsh Liam,so here's my 2p so to speak.Yes,we have p here,not cents.

Ok,so I really liked Bioshock (No I never played System Shock so shut up) so when I found out this game was gonna be made I was pretty excited.When I found out it would take place AFTER the original Bioshock but you were going to play as the first Big Daddy I was a little confused.By the time the release date rolled around I ceased giving a shit.Although I did buy the game on the day I spent most of the week playing Mass Effect 2,so I only recently picked it up to play.Is it as good as the original? Well...I'm not really sure.The gameplay is almost exactly the same so nothing to praise it on there,so let's look at the plot first.

Anyone who played the original Bioshock knows it for 2 people in particular,Andrew Ryan and Frank Fontain.The two main villans,the plot twist was such a punch to the face that it left you wanting to keep playing just so you could punch Fontain in the face.And you did...sorta.Sadly though,Bioshock was one of those games that really only can play once,maybe twice.Anymore than that and it loses its flair.But,for those of us new-gen gamers it still remains pretty damn good.And yes,I am aware of the arguement about Bioshock vs System Shock but you have to remember a good portion of the younger gamers around today were not old enough to have played System Shock,I certainly wasn't so our opinion is based on Bioshock only.So how does Bioshock 2s plot hold up? Well,it's pretty lack luster.The original plot made you feel really involved in the game,for a fact you never found out the main characters name.It also had a deep meaning (if you were intelligent enough or had enough time to look into it) about sociological concerns regarding the past and todays society but for younger audiences it was kind of obscure even if it did get mentioned alot.Andrew Ryan believed every man was entitled to the things he produced as long as it benefitted society as a whole and built Rapture so people could persue this goal without the problem of restrictions,this ultimately lead to Raptures downfall aswell as monsterous mutation experiments and the psychological break down of some of the finest minds in science.In Bioshock 2 though,we have Sofia Lamb who believes that you should aim to better society no matter the cost.To almost contrasting opinions,which could have been interesting if they had implemented it in the all.Instead it's more like an after thought.Sofia Lambs take over does seem a bit underwhelming,Andrew Ryan we can understand right? He has the Adam,Sofia Lamb however mentions repeatedly during the opening moments of the game that hunting for Adam is forbidden and even later in the game that she needs it for her own experiment.So,what she used her psychology to take over? Thank you for explaining that game.Instead the main focus of the game is on Subject Delta (you,yes you are given a name now),the original Big Daddy.You see,back in the day Big Daddys were bonded to a specific Little Sister and if that sister died they either sank into a coma or went bat shit kill crazy.As it happend Deltas Little Sister was Eleanor Lamb,Sofias daughter.When Delta shoved his drill up the ass of a group of dunks who tried to kill her Sofia ordered Delta to remove his helmet,stick a gun to his head and kill himself.He did so of course.Years later you wake up in a pool of water fresh out of one of those handy Vita-Chambers.And Tenenbaum speaks to you,remember her? You get to see her face this time around.She promtly buggers off though and leaves you with Sinclair (esquire) who is your 'Atlas' for the game.The game revolves around Delta trying to reach Eleanor in time to save his and her life from the...mildly mean Sofia Lamb.Along the way you meet more moral choices,which are not as impactive as they were in Bioshock,now they're basically just "This man fucked you over before you were a Big Daddy,go cave his head in with a drill or let him go".Lastly,the game has 4 endings,2 evil,1 sad ending and 1 good ending.All of them are pretty good and damn evil Eleanor is hot but it still leaves you wondering what the hell Sofia Lamb was trying to do,sure she says she was trying to turn Eleanor into a genius to create a utopian society but then what? Take over the world? Create a master race? WHAT GAME,WHAT!? Still.she is a worthy successor to Andrew her annoying abbility to chime in over the radio every 10 secconds.

The game play is almost unchanged...that's not a complement.Aiming is still annoying as hell,especialy when Spider Splicers are involved and the infamous Drill is waaaaay under powered in my opinion.The Big Sisters are a nice touch but they're basically a powered up version of the Spider Splicers that can follow you around the level.The main big addition apart from the Sisters is the Brute Splicer,he's awesome,the The Thing on acid.My favourite quote from him is "Are you fucking serious?" which sums up my feelings about the game entirely.The research camera is also fucked up the ass,it works more like a film recorder now which means you have to beat the living hell out of the enemy in order to get the research points and even then it has the brass balls to tell you how! Other than that,I have nothing to say about the gameplay.It's almost the same as the originals.

Bottom line,the game is underwhelming.But so was the original so what are you complainging about? The story is half decent but not as good as the originals and the gameplay is unchanged.Talk of a Bioshock movie coming out is afloat also recently,I think that would make a good horror movie if they did it right.My rating:


Basically,it will do.

Sunday, 14 February 2010

Bioshock 2 review

As you all know it's valentines day today, and I've been hanging out with my friend system shock 2 and his mentally illed sister Bioshock and his son Bioshock 2, now i don't like Bioshock, he was a dumb down version of his brother. So now he has a son and I've been ask to examine the child to see if he's healthy. So is he?

Story:  You are Delta and he's one of the first working big daddies. Delta has lost his little sister and must find here. Also after Ryan's "death" another leader has taken up by the name of Lamb, she has taken rapture with communism. I've seen some of the characters from his farther and some new people, sadly there all from the uncanny valley. Sadly the child's story is under cooked. Revelations later on in the game become nothing more than just seen it done.

Gameplay: Sadly the child has non of his Fathers characteristics. He's now a armoured behemoth which makes me think that his unknown farther might of been the halo. The wrench is now replaced with a drill with limited  fuel, the rest is just your normal array of weapons just that they look different. The youneekness of levels has disappeared they all look the same and the open feel has gone with a linear sprawl. The threat of the big sisters are scripted. Now your a big daddy you now the choose of adopting a little sister, if you do you have the roll of protector, this is very tedious after the third time you do it. Little sister's don't die when you protecting them, only making the scene longer.

The outside water levels are just for show you do nothing and it serves as a A to B to the next area. Here's a tip make people punch sharks in the FACE! All in all the game is rushed. There's no soul in the game it's just a dull experience. The atmosphere is still there but nothing ground breaking like system shock 2 or UR Bioshock. Pick up system shock 2 if you haven't and if you must Bioshock but this game is not worth it.

Liam Hackett

Saturday, 13 February 2010

Mass Effect 2 part 3 (the rest of the game) BIG FAT UGLY SPOILERS RUN FOR YOU LIFE!!!

This where the game get really repetitive, the shooting never changes at all so it becomes really dull and boring. You've seen everything planet wise which also effects the combat seeing out the environment and the combat are one. So the ending gets bogged down and spoilt by two things.One:  the combat getting boring (said that) two: THEY GAVE AWAY THE ENDING IN AN INTERVIEW! you herd me. Any why the ending. You get a Reaper passport (well they don't call it that but that's what it is), by going onto a reaper which is a very fun level and one of the last good levels in the game. So you go on a suicide mission to save the universe from the collectors. As i will not spoil to much OW MY GOD SHEPARD CAN DIE!!! (come try to keep it together) You also save your crew ow sorry did i forget to mention that your crew gets captured ow well. You go and save them by travelling TO THE CENTRE OF THE UNIVERSE!! So you have a dramatic battle to your crew and see the a twilight zone episode (to serve man). You save the crew send someone back to help them get to the ship and stop a terminator, yep a terminator. Well i say terminator it's actually a reaper that can't fly, only thing they do is "shoot frickin lazzer beams attached to it's eyes".

So you kill the terminator and either blow up the collectors ship or kill the collectors and keep the ship then you either die or live, and I've kept most the main spoiler points out so there are still some surprises in there. All in all it's one of the best RPG's of the year (well it is the first Dur). It's got it's problems, but so does everything (except me). So pick this one up, it's a wild ride.

Liam Hackett

Friday, 12 February 2010

Gish Review

This is filler and a unexpected one at the. Let me tell you a story boys and girls back in January I sent a ton of emails to companies trying to get review copies most went well, but some people didn't reply, well it seems that there in box must of had 600 emails because now I'm getting replies from them (about time), so here to is Gish made by a small company named "Cryptic Sea". So is this a game worth your hard rent cash or can it just stay with the group of glutenous game?

Story:  Well here we a girl and a lump of hot steaming tar yes tar. As I'm here saying this i want to say one thing why doesn't the princess never give out? I know a princess and a plummer is a bad combination but so is a girl and a lump of tar, maybe the princess is keeping secret with Mario i don't know like... what he found when unblocking the toilets and the princess promise Mario that she would give out if he kept it secret. Anyway your "girlfriend" is stolen and is taken underground. That it lets move on before i get back to the Mario and the princess thing.

Gameplay: You have three powers you can use on your way to find you finger quotes people "girlfriend". You can slide throw thin pipes, stiffen up to crush objects and stick to walls and floors. At the start of the game the Gameplay is fast and fluent and later the game gets  bogged down with enemy filling the screen, the game is at it's best in the first ten to fifteen minuets, but unfortunately it becomes too scared and throws in hundreds of people to satisfied dumb people. Let me talk about another game "mirrors edge" this game had a fast and fluent, it had enemy's but you didn't haft to fight them and they didn't become such a big deal, this game on the other hand became riddled in enemy's you haft to fight to get past certain areas.

All in all play it in small bursts if you're here to buy games and play them all in one then don't buy it I'll see you next time with the last part of Mass Effect and Bioshock 2.

Liam Hackett

Tuesday, 9 February 2010

Mass Effect 2 disc 1 part 2

After that great scene we cut to Michael Jacksons plastic surgery as he is pumped with chemicals. After that random scene we cut back to Shepard as he wakes up from a medical bed that he has been sleeping in for the last TWO YEARS (and there's no pillows). This is the first time we see the combat in the game well what to say about the combat. It's good better than the first game err let me expand. The combat is gears of war twoish, The cover is now the A button not the thumb stick (thank god). There is no overheat now so now you gun doesn't overheat when you need it, to replace it you have clips which is much better and feels much easier.

Anyway you fight threw a load of robots meeting some small and big characters. Later you meat the illusive man, i love this guy (and something will be up about him from me), anyway he tells you that hole human cities are going missing and you need to find out why. So you take your new crew and go to a planet that has recently disappeared and you meat one of your old crew members. Later you find out that the collectors are the problem ye you know the collectors? aliens? you know? aw well. So now your of to kick some rom..i mean collector ass, but before you poo your self with joy, you need to find and make them join your crew (goody 30 minutes of Gameplay to get threw three pages of story). Anyway you pick up your crew which takes hours and then you follow orders and get Bord of shooting things so you explore the galaxy (finally). This is where it gets more interesting, when you go to a planet you can scan it to find it's resources and sometimes the games take of a random encounter, which is a level that lasts less than five minuets. Also as i was saying about the resources, these can be used to upgrade items. Unfortunately it's never used to it's best ,upgrading is almost useless and you will never feel the effects of the upgrade, the only good upgrades are the prototypes (the big guns) and ship upgrades (which effect the ending).

End of part 2

Liam Hackett

Friday, 5 February 2010

Mass Effect 2 Review Part 1 Disk 1 the opening (spoilers)

Mass Effect 2 is the sequel to a game a didn't really like (on the xbox, the PC version was allot better) it's bad Gameplay made the good story experience a let down. I wasn't expecting much in this one either, the PR went completely the wrong direction making me question the game not wanting me to buy it. So is this game a buy or a pass?
 The game starts in a unknown location where two mysterious people talk about Shepard's talents and how he or she will be useful in manipulating the universe into believing that the reapers are a threat to everyone. We find out that "Shepard must live" to make this work or everyone is DOOMED! We then cut to the Normandy as it is flying around looking for geth after the attack on the citadel (The most important place in the galaxy), we find out that the crew are fed up looking for geth, as soon as you can say star trek 2 a unknown ship attacks the Normandy kill two minor characters (NO!!!), everyone heads to escape pods, Ashly Williams from the first game run in to Shepard how is all suited up and trying to hold the ship together till the alliance arrives. Ash tell Shepard that joker won't leave, Shepard tell ash to leave and that he will get joker off the ship. So far this scene takes from allot of films for example Star Trek 2 with it's everyone dies but everyone lives sense.

We have slice of Gameplay as you run to the front of the ship, this scene has a great atmosphere as you walk into a empty ship with a massive hole in the middle of it, away from the warning sounds on the ship and a moon just miles away. You can not run wast in the void of space giving you time to look around breathing in the thick atmosphere. We have another talking scene with joker then he agrees to leave the ship he get in the pod when the unknown enemy attacks again forcing Shepard to jump out the way, doing the heroic thing you close the pod without you you then get thrown into space. Your air tank then bursts leaving you struggling as you get thrown into the nearest moon. See you in part 2 tomorrow.

Liam Hackett 

Monday, 1 February 2010

Where have i been?

I have some things to say, so i'm going to make this quick. One: Yes there will be a Mass Effect 2 review, but it will be in parts. Part one will be out on wednesday. Also I am talking to several websites to post are reviews so expect some delays with big games like bioshock 2. Last thing I'm having problams logging into blogger sometimes, so again some stuff will be late. That's all i haft to say see you soon.

Liam Hackett